The Truth is What We Save From the Fire

Recovery programs call our useless running, “getting something we don’t have,” or “keeping something we don’t want to lose.” Greg Baer, in his book, Real Love, calls it “Getting and Protecting Behavior.” Whatever you call it, it’s how we shield ourselves from pain. Check out blogger Matt”s great insights about this tough part of existence! Thanks Matt!
Mo

Must Be This Tall To Ride

Value of hard things vs. easy things Like vigorous exercise, a disciplined reading regiment, and giving more than we take in our marriages, there is VALUE — tons of it — in doing hard things. So maybe don’t run away. Maybe allowing ourselves to feel is THE way. (Image/Carl Richards – New York Times)

I’m afraid of someone using a circular handsaw to cut open my skull.

But I’m more afraid of dying, so if the choice is certain death or brain surgery, I would choose brain surgery.

I’m afraid of jumping off of 100-foot cliffs into unknown waters.

But I’m more afraid of being eaten by big-ass dinosaurs, so if a genetically modified hybrid Jurassic World dinosaur was chasing me, I would totally jump if the alternative was being Indominus Rex’s lunch.

Broken down in the most primitive way possible, human beings are motivated by just two things:

  1. Feeling pleasure
  2. Avoiding pain

Psychologists say most people…

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I said NO…explanations are unnecessary.

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Saying No

For many of us, the most difficult word to say is one of the shortest and easiest in the vocabulary: No. Go ahead, say it aloud: No.

No – simple to pronounce, hard to say. We’re afraid people won’t like us, or we feel guilty. We may believe that a “good” employee, child, parent, spouse, or Christian never says no.

The problem is, if we don’t learn to say no, we stop liking ourselves and the people we always try to please. We may even punish others out of resentment.

When do we say no? When no is what we really mean.

When we learn to say no, we stop lying. People can trust us, and we can trust ourselves. All sorts of good things happen when we start saying what we mean.

If we’re scared to say no, we can buy some time. We can take a break, rehearse the word, and go back and say no. We don’t have to offer long explanations for our decisions.

When we can say no, we can say yes to the good. Our no’s and our yes’s begin to be taken seriously. We gain control of ourselves. And we learn a secret: “No” isn’t really that hard to say.

Today, I will say no if that is what I mean.

From: The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beatty

A victim no more!

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Owning Our Power

Don’t you see? We do not have to be so victimized by life, by people, by situations, by work, by our friends, by our love relationships, by our family, by our feelings, our thoughts, our circumstances, and ourselves.

We are not victims. We do not have to be victims. That is the whole point!

Yes, admitting and accepting powerlessness is important. But that is the first step, an introduction to this business of recovery. Later, comes owning our power. Changing what we can. This is as important as admitting and accepting powerlessness. And there is so much we can change.

We can own our power, wherever we are, wherever we go, whomever we are with. We do not have to stand there with our hands tied, groveling helplessly, submitting to whatever comes along. There are things we can do. We can speak up. Solve the problem. Use the problem to motivate ourselves to do something good for ourselves.

We can make ourselves feel good. We can walk away. We can come back on our terms. We can stand up for ourselves. We can refuse to let others control and manipulate us.

We can do what we need to do to take care of our selves. That is the beauty, the reward, the crown of victory we are given in this process called recovery. It is what it is all about!

If we can’t do anything about the circumstance, we can change our attitude. We can do the work within: courageously face our issues so we are not victimized. We have been given a miraculous key to life.

We are victims no more unless we want to be.

Freedom and joy are ours for the taking, for the feeling, for the hard work we have done.

Today, I will remind myself as often as necessary that I am not a victim, and I do not need to be victimized by whatever comes my way. I will work hard to remove myself as a victim, whether that means setting and enforcing a boundary, walking away, dealing with my feelings, or giving myself what I need. God, help me let go of my need to feel victimized.

Mo

-from The Language of Letting Go, by Melody Beatty

You are not meant to stay wounded

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Fabulous wisdom reblogged from Bayart. Take a look.

MO

You Are Not Meant to Stay Wounded

“By remaining stuck in the power of our wounds, we block our own transformation. Wounds are the means through which we enter the hearts of other people. They are meant to teach us to be compassionate & wise.”

-Caroline Myss

We are not meant to stay wounded. In fact, by staying in our hurt, we not only are harming ourselves but also others. The longer we sink into our dark abyss, the more we are prone to lashing out at those closest to us.

If left in our private personal torment long enough, we become a prisoner to it’s control over us. It becomes harder to escape. Eventually, we may lose ourselves entirely to it. However, there is a way for us to escape.

By practicing mindfulness and striving to look positively at life, we are in essence cultivating a stronger, more emotionally stable version of ourselves. Those emotional and mental gymnastics prepare us to accept and overcome future hardships.

Most vital to our happiness in life is the ability to curate an environment of peace, love, and balance. In doing so, we build upon our emotional IQ and prepare ourselves to fight with our heart and our soul.

However, in those moments when we feel that all is lost we must strive to remember these words.

“Darkness cannot drive out darkness; Only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; Only love can do that.

-Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

Written by: Kevin MacConkey-writer/coach/public speaker @http://thedailykickstand.com

Not good enough!

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I had the opportunity to chat with an old and very enlightened friend some time ago. I was, that day, having a “Triple P” for myself (translation: Personal Pity Party), with hats horns, cupcakes and all. When she asked what was up, I told her I had set such a high bar for my personal growth and achievement that I feared i would never reach it. I asked her for suggestions on lowering the bar, but she said the unexpected. “REMOVE the bar,” she snorted. She knows me SO well! I can’t see my forest for my own darned trees…so I am grateful for friends and family who remind me that I’ve always been “good enough.”

Mo

Buddha’s Brain

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Today I began reading the widely-acclaimed book, Buddha’s Brain, which explains the anxiety/stress reaction in masterful detail and in a way I can understand. I now agree that, “pain is inevitable, but suffering is optional.” I have practiced and lead meditation for years, but seeing the positive neurological effects in black and white has me reeling! I highly advise you to venture into the science of meditation.  It’s absolutely life-changing!

Mo